What happened?
I just found out you've been dating someone.
I want to be genuinely happy for you but I can't help but feel a stinge of jealousy.
Literature papers today were hell, because all of the questions reminded me of you. & every time I write, i go back thinking what you said to me the day before.

Yes, I still do like you, but after yesterday, I'm just.. surprised. I cannot explain.

You said that I've lost you because I didn't try hard enough & you apologised for making me feel like shit.
Yes, I've lost you, not because I didn't try hard enough, because YOU didn't give me a opportunity to. I've tried so fucking hard & countless of times to get you, but no, you didn't see it, you REFUSED to acknowledge it & threw me under the bus. And then this chick comes alongg, & within 2 months, she gets you& your heart.

And me? I've been trying for 2 YEARS - 24 Months,96 weeks, 672 Days, 16128 hours, 967 680minutes, 58 060 800 seconds.

I'm not over exaggerating. Yes, I did try for THAT long. So don't tell me I lost you because I didn't try hard enough. Who do you think you are? The damsel in distress? NO. You failed to see me, YOU FAILED to notice or acknowledge my efforts.YOU FAILED. & what more?

I bought you a SGD 40 shirt for Christmas and mailed it out to you because, It reminded me of you & i knew you'll look good in it. I spoke to my friends about you all the time until they're sick of it.
The day before I left for Philippines, I walked to your house from Bedok MRT because, I didn't have enough money to take a bus from there, just so I could take a Polaroid with you, So that every night before I sleep, you'll be the last one I'll see.
Every Sunday I'll force myself to wake up in the hopes of seeing you during mass.
I keep pictures of you on my phone, so that whenever I'm alone, I can just look at my phone & you know, there you are.
So don't you tell me that I didn't do my best to get you. You have no idea how frustrating it was just trying to think of new ways to impress you & eventually  fail every single fucking attempt.

Next, When I finally confessed how i felt for you, that you threw me under the bus. I did not get a reply from you. Like what the fuck was that? I waited for days and months from the time I reached Singapore, But NO, no fucking reply. No nothing at all. & you made me feel like such an idiot. Yes, I did texted you the night before I left, & I'm sorry it made you so confused during that period of time. It wasn't exactly what i was hoping for. I wanted to tell you either on Xmas or New year's day that year, but I was going back during that time. I didn't want to make you feel like I left you hanging & I'm sorry that you felt that way. It wasn't intentionally, and I'm sorry.

Moving on, you told me that every time I'm with you, I'll put you in such an awkward situation in front of other people. Yes, fine, I'm sorry for that. I'm new that this girl-likes-boy shit and I really don't know how to act. I tried acting naturally in front of you, But every single time I'm with you, my heart beats faster, I breathe deeper & it feels like though there's aadrenaline rush. I'm so nervous whenever I'm with you. I get so paranoid because I'm afraid I'll mess it up with you, eventually i did. I was so cautious about my actions, in fact, TOO cautious. & I messed it big time. So that's my fault.

But you must know, That I've loved every single little thing about you then. Despite the fact that you smoke, I still loved you. I was willing to look past that because I know you were perfect for me. You were everything I could ask for & I loved spending my time with you. I never really got to say all this to you because, I know you won't really care.

I love how deep your voice sounded on the phone, how you would always give me that version of your -.- face whenever I jokingly insult you. I love the bus rides you took with me on the day we went to the flea with a couple of friends. I loved how on my 15th birthday, you picked me up from school and accompanied me to cine where there was a birthday party planned for me. I love how silly your text messages seemed. I was always so excited recieve texts from you because it brightens my day. I loved how tall you were. I love how you have this dorky but handsome look. I love every single time we walked together from place to place & how you would tolerate my bullshit. I just loved you as a person and you literally everything I could ask for & i thought you were that special someone.You honestly, have no idea how much I loved you.

But whatever, all that doesn't matter to you anymore. because you chose to walk away.
You said, i quote

"I will fuck off from you life now."

 Were you expecting me to run after you? I highly doubt it. I thought that although we had such a a dramatic text session, I thought you'd still be my friend. No, you chose to walk away. You didn't want anything to do with me. You could have just said something like "I dont need you" but no. Either that, or you wanted to be dramatic like how they do it in the movies. I still want you as a friend, because you're one in a million. Your different. But I guess you didn't feel the need to have me as a friend. Because other people are waayyyy cooler than Miss Ungsod Victoria Anne. Because other friends will boost your popularity. Im just assuming, so correct me if I'm wrong.

Whatever the case was, it's over. You go and enjoy life with your new girl. I'll just be here, taking a step back, and being happy for you. Your happiness matters. So yeah, I guess its the end for us both.

So long, friend.



XX