It's been almost 2 weeks since I've left Valderrama but my homesickness is getting worst by the minute.
I don't like it here. I don't like it in Singapore. Sure, I love the top notch facilities Singapore posses, it honestly makes my life a hell lot better. I love Singapore, don't get me wrong, I just don't have that feeling of home. I'm unhappy. Sure I've got tons of friends here, but I don't feel happy.

When I'm in Valderrama, It felt like home. There were no worries, no problems, no nothing. Everything was peaceful. I've never felt that peace in such a long time. And though days passed really slow, I didn't mind, because my whole family was there. People who loved me for me. They didn't care if I was plus size or I have pimple scars or a ton of insecurities, they didn't judge but accepted me for who I am. And for once in such a long time, I felt comfortable in my skin. I loved the way I am & I love the fact that I could embrace it & people appreciated it. People actually appreciate me there, They thank me for hugs, they laugh at my jokes, they really love me & for once I actually felt loved. (Yes, there's alot of 'For once').

But here, I dont feel what i felt in Valderrama. People here are so darn judgemental. it's all about the looks and studies. If you don't posses either, you're pathetic and don't deserve any respect. If you're quiet, it mean you're boring. if you have a loud personality, it means you're arrogant. it sucks here. There's no fun. Just troubles, worries, heartaches, pain and stress. And I'm always having these insecurities. I try to talk them to my close friends since It's bad to keep them to myself. But they're always pushing me away. Indirectly telling me to not disturb them because they have their own problems. The thing is, I didn't get the opportunity to speak to them for a month. Am I that annoying? There's really no one out there I could fully trust. Maybe just my childhood friends. They're so busy all the time and I miss them. Sigh.

I really miss Valderrama. I miss all my classmates. They just had their prom and soon they're having their graduation. It sucks than don't get to witness either. I want to go back. I really do. Because i don't feel happy here. I don't feel like belong. I feel left out; the black sheep of the herd. I Don't feel comfortable in my skin. Though I have a few who actually care, Somehow I feel that they're only caring because they feel sorry for me. I don't know, correct me if I'm wrong.

4 more years to go before I can go back to Valderrama and have peace.

till then.
V